Growing Up

I grew up in a relatively small town on the outskirts of a medium sized city. Nowhere the size of Chicago or anything like that. Let me say something about where I grew up... they are very white. Everyone is white there. Growing up I was the only asian in most of my classes... but it was okay because I didn't understand what that meant. I didn't understand that I was a different ethnicity than my peers. I knew I was korean... but it didn't bother me. Does that make sense? Nobody refused to be my friend because of that... People made fun and stuff like that... but it was okay. I was young and didn't understand.

There is a moment I regret most deeply. When I was young my parents asked me if I had any interest in my Korean heritage... and I told them the truth. The truth at that time was no. No, I didn't not care that I was korean and that I would grow up not knowing my ethnic language... a stranger to my ethnic culture. I didn't know that then. And being good parents they respected my decision.

My note to interracial adoptive parents: Please help your children to at least learn their language as they will regret it deeply as they grow older.

There is nothing I regret more deeply now than that. I feel as if I will never be able to speak Korean fluently... and it saddens me. It saddens me greatly. So please parents, save your child from that pain and teach them while they are young.

Anyway, so growing up I always viewed myself as white. I never wondered why I looked so different. Until it hit me one day. I realized one day... hey you're not white, you're Korean. You're not like your parents or your friends. And ever since then I have felt like an outsider in my own family. Among my friends... especially among family though.

Don't get me wrong. There is so much love between my parents and I... but that does not stop those feelings.

I will have to learn to deal with them the rest of my life.

Introduction

This is something I've wanted to do for a very long time. When I think about my adoption a mixed feeling comes to me... Should I be overwhelmed with happiness that I am in the USA with amazing parents and family? Or should I be overwhelmed with sadness that I do not know any of my ethnic tongue or culture and am having difficulty fitting in with society. Should I feel guilty for even feeling this way? Please join me as I very blatantly and candidly explore the life of a korean girl adopted by white parents.

Let me introduce myself to you, I am 17 years old, about to be a Junior. This is not my real name, but you may call me Lainey. Pleased to meet you. I will not post any pictures or information that could be directly identifiable to who I am, because that is not what this is about. This is about understanding of the effect adoption has on the psyche and if not dealt with properly can lead to depression among other things as it did with me.


I want to create awareness because being adopted is not easy. There are always those questions that haunt you and your peers don't make it any easier. I'm not saying that we are special and our problems are more important, no, I'm saying that it's different growing up and looking in the mirror and wondering why your reflection is lying to you.

So if you fit into the any of the categories above or are just curious please read the stories that it won't be easy for me to tell and hopefully we'll all be a little more aware.

-Lainey